How to Fall in Love with Anyone? - Is it possible to Fall in Love with Anyone?
Mandy Len Catron says it is — and her story has captured the imagination of thousands.
The
33-year-old tried to replicate a study that said intimacy could be
achieved with a set of 36 questions and a four-minute exercise. And it
worked. Her New York Times essay, ‘To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This’
has become an internet sensation in just a weekend.
“Everybody wants to be loved and the chance to love someone,”
Catron, who teaches writing at the University of British Columbia in
Vancouver, told news.com.au.
“We
like the possibility that we don’t have to be passive in that process.”
Catron, from rural Virginia, found the idea particularly appealing.
After
she ended a 10-year relationship in 2011, she decided she wanted to
write about love stories and how they make us see the world.
“I wasn’t convinced they make us better at love, in fact, I thought they may make us worse at it,” she says.
While
researching the subject, she came across a 20-year-old study by
psychologist Arthur Aron, in which he succeeded in making two strangers
fall in love in a lab. “A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab
through separate doors,” she writes in her essay. “They sit face to
face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they
stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most
tantalising detail: Six months later, two participants were married.”
After three years of online dating, Catron was feeling disenchanted.
“You
never know what the other person is thinking,” she says.
“They’re usually keeping their options open ... I felt a lot of
anxiety.” Last summer, she was talking to an old university
acquaintance she occasionally saw at the gym when he started asking
about her research. When she brought up the study, they quickly agreed
to try it out. “With this guy, there was no anxiety,” she says. “I
thought, ‘Maybe we’ll have a relationship, maybe we’ll just be close
friends’.” She admits that there were flaws in her version of the
study. “First, we were in a bar, not a lab. Second, we weren’t
strangers. Not only that, but I see now that one neither suggests nor
agrees to try an experiment designed to create romantic love if one
isn’t open to this happening.” Nevertheless, as the pair took turns to
ask each other increasingly personal questions, they felt a deepening
bond.
By the time they headed out on to a bridge to stare into each other’s eyes, they were falling in love.
“It was scary, but I'm glad I did it,” says Catron. She insists the four-minute gaze is crucial to the experiment.
“Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told the New York Times. “Four really goes somewhere.”
Six months later, she and her 38-year-old partner are still happily together.
“I don’t know how much was him — it was great talking to him — and how much was the study,” she says.
It is also known as the “fast friends” experiment, or the “sharing game”.
“It always has the effect of bring people closer,” says Catron. “It’s about being vulnerable, letting your guard down.
“An individual could fall in love with any number of people. I don’t buy into the idea of a soulmate.
“It’s
about timing, patience and also a willingness to be vulnerable with
people. Rejection is so painful, I experienced that with online dating.
“You have to put yourself out there. Don’t wait for love to find you.”
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Tags : online dating, dating and love, dating and relationship,best free dating sites, free dating site, dating blog, dating tips, dating girl, dating beautiful girl, dating old age, senior dating, senior match
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